The Alternative Ground Rules
“You stay classy Princeton.”
1. You will not cry or whine or laugh or giggle or sneeze or burp or fart. So no, no, no annoying sounds.
2. Rule 1 can be broken 42.9% of the time
3. Don’t break . . . stuff
4. Unless this is a Hawaii-themed party, you’re not getting laid tonight
5. If it can’t be tagged on Facebook . . .
6. Just say NO to Drama
7. In the event of intoxication, the malefactor is to be escorted alone to his or her room and monitored until safe
8. If you can’t say sumthin nice . . . don’t say nuthin at all
9. Toasts are only appropriate always
10. If your drink requires a chaser, you are either (a) drinking the alcoholic equivalent of Taco Bell’s ground “beef,” (b) drinking a liquor your childish taste buds do not yet deserve, or (c) drinking to get drunk. If (a), have some self respect. If (b), give that drink to your elder and better. If (c), you’re probably at the wrong party
11. If on the receiving end of unwanted sexual attention, notify party host
12. If on the giving end of unwanted sexual attention, take a hint
13. If you’re under 21, that sucks
14. And as always: Sun’s out guns out
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
-Ernest Hemingway